The Dark Side of Decision-Making
Okay, so the title of this post may sound a bit grim but it’s a topic I’ve experienced frequently in the past few weeks.
When I started to recover from my addiction this past summer, I realized how much of the last twenty years I spent accommodating others. More times than not, I put the needs of others before my own.
I’d go out my way to ensure my schedule aligned with a potential partner’s availability. Despite being hungry. Despite being tired.
I’d show up for back-to-back meetings (sometimes late) no matter how worn out I felt. In hindsight, I made all those accomodations in hopes of being seen as “good person”. I unconsciously hoped that would dub me a hard worker. Ultimately, I thought that accommodating others at this level would help me achieve my wildest dreams.
Meanwhile, my cup was empty. Yet everyday (for years) I continued to pour.
So when i finally built up the confidence to work on myself, to do things for myself, to put myself first, many of those same people I accommodated attempted to paint me as selfish. Those same people I created opportunities for during my emptiness attempted to guilt me into changing my mind. Many of those same people started to cut me out of deals and try to erase me from my own manifestations.
Grim, I know. That’s the dark side of decision-making.
It’s the dark side that stops many of us from making healthy decisions for ourselves. It’s the dark side that keeps our needs second and everyone else’s as priority. It’s the dark side that holds many of us in the space between freedom and confinement.
Now let me tell you about the bright side:
Over here, we’re free.
Over here, we make decisions for the part of us that wants to be healed.
Over here, we make decisions we are proud of, and even when we aren’t, we ask for forgiveness and move forward.
Over here, we understand that we can only do the best we can do for ourselves.
Over here, we understand that we are not responsible for anybody’s emotions.
Over here, we are rooted in the fact there is no human being on this earth that can determine our destiny.
You are worthy of the light my friend.